FOR MEN TIRED OF RECEIVING MALE-BASHING JOKES
How many men does it take to open a beer?
None. It should be
opened by the time she brings
it.
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Why is a Laundromat a
really bad place to pick up a woman?
Because a woman who can't even afford
a washing machine will
probably never be able to support
you.
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Why do women have smaller
feet than men?
It's one of those "evolutionary things" that allows them
to
stand closer to the kitchen
sink.
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How do you know when a
woman is about to say something smart?
When she starts her sentence with "A
man once told me..."
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How do you
fix a woman's watch?
You don't. There is a clock on the
oven.
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Why do men break wind
more than women?
Because women can't shut up long enough to build up the
required
pressure.
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If your
dog is barking at the back door and your wife is yelling at the
front door,
whom do you let in first?
The dog, of course. He'll shut up once you let
him in.
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What's worse than a
Male Chauvinist Pig?
A woman who won't do what she's
told.
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I married Miss Right.
I
just didn't know her first name was
Always.
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I haven't spoken to my
wife for 18 months:
I don't like to interrupt
her.
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Scientists have discovered
a food that diminishes
a woman's sex drive by 90%.
It's called a Wedding
Cake.
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Marriage is a 3-ring
circus: Engagement Ring, Wedding Ring,
Suffering.
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Our last fight was
my fault: My wife asked me "What's on the TV?"
I said,
"Dust!"
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In the beginning, God
created the earth and rested. Then God
created Man and rested. Then God
created Woman. Since then,
neither God nor Man has
rested.
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Why do men die before
their wives?
They want to.
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A
beggar walked up to a well-dressed woman shopping on Rodeo
Drive and said,
"I haven't eaten anything for days."
She looked at him and said, "God, I
wish I had your
willpower."
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Young Son: "Is it
true, Dad, I heard that in some parts of Africa a man
doesn't know his wife
until he marries her?"
Dad: That happens in every country,
son.
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A man inserted an
advertisement in the classified: Wife Wanted."
The next day he received a
hundred letters. They all
said the same thing: "You can have
mine."
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The most effective way
to remember your wife's birthday is to forget
it
once.
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Women will never be equal
to men until they can walk down the
street with a baldhead and a beer gut,
and still think they are
beautiful